Locus of Control: Returning to What Is Yours to Hold

Your clarity is your compass

In the complexity of life and leadership, it is remarkably easy to become entangled in matters that are not ours to resolve. Whether it is the weight of other people’s expectations, the chaos of a shared problem, or the overwhelm of trying to carry an entire team or family forward; it is human to overextend. Especially when we care. Especially when we lead.

But maturity asks something else of us. It asks us to pause. To reflect. And to come back to what is truly within our domain.

This is the heart of the Locus of Control - a psychological and philosophical concept first introduced by Julian Rotter, which explores the belief systems people hold about what governs their lives. Those with an external locus believe that circumstances, fate, or others are in control. Those with an internal locus understand that while we may not control all events, we do have agency over how we think, respond, and take action.

As leaders - as humans - this understanding is vital.

Begin with Clarity: What Is the Problem?

Much of our mental spinning arises from problems that have not been properly defined. When an issue remains vague, our mind will loop endlessly, attempting to resolve something it cannot fully grasp. By writing it down, naming it, and examining it, we begin to regain authority over our thoughts.

This is the first step: clear the mental clutter by asking yourself, “What exactly is the problem I’m trying to solve?” And importantly, “Is this mine to solve?”

Ask: What Falls Within My Locus of Control?

We cannot fix everything. We were never meant to. But there is always something within our reach; our thoughts, our behaviours, the way we choose to engage.

To lead well, we must know the difference between what we can influence, and what is outside our reach. This is not an act of avoidance; it is an act of wisdom. A mind grounded in reality is far more powerful than one scattered in worry.

Byron Katie, who teaches the profound practice of inquiry, invites us to question the thoughts that cause our suffering. She offers a simple yet penetrating inquiry: Is it true? And further, Who would I be without this thought? These questions help us return to ourselves; no longer trapped in narratives that cast us as victims of life.

To lead with a conscious locus of control is to stop outsourcing your emotional state to the behaviours of others.

It is to stop trying to manage everyone else’s responses.

It is to say, quietly but firmly: “This is mine. That is not.”

Where Can I Serve Without Overreaching?

Service is not the same as sacrifice. And care does not require self-erasure.

When we work in teams, in leadership roles, or in shared initiatives, it is easy to slip into patterns of over-functioning. Especially for those of us who are visionaries or caretakers by nature. We see everything that needs to be done; and our instinct is to do it all.

But wise leadership asks us to step back and ask a more useful question: Where can I have the most meaningful impact?

We serve best not when we carry it all, but when we show up fully for what is truly ours. That is the practice: discernment. Contribution without control. Service without saviourhood.

The Power of Internal Focus

When we orient ourselves inward, towards what we can influence, something beautiful happens. Our nervous system calms. Our energy becomes more available. We stop leaking our power into places it was never meant to go.

We also begin to trust, both ourselves and others.

Leadership, after all, is not about heroic self-sacrifice. It is about clarity, integrity, and modelling a way of being that inspires others to rise. That begins with knowing where your locus of control begins and ends.

Your Clarity is Your Compass

Viktor Frankl, whose life and work epitomised this truth, reminds us:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms; to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

In a world that often spins out of control, your calm is your power.

Your clarity is your compass.

And your ability to stay centred in what is yours to hold—no more, no less—is one of the most underappreciated acts of leadership and self-respect.

Let us remember: we are not here to fix everything.

We are here to bring presence, discernment, and purposeful action to the part of the world that we can touch; and to trust that that is enough.

When we feel stressed, heavy, or stuck, it’s often because our mind is trying to control what’s beyond our reach. Leadership, especially at the visionary level, requires zooming out—seeing the full landscape—and then choosing to zoom back in on the levers we can actually move.

We cannot control everything. But we can control how we respond.

We can control the clarity we create.

We can control the way we show up for ourselves and others.

As Viktor Frankl said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

That space is where your locus of control lives.

So if you’re spinning or carrying too much—pause. Breathe. Create calm within.

Then ask:

• What is actually happening?

• What is mine to hold?

• Where can I best contribute?

• What do I need to let go of to stay grounded?

Start there. That’s where your true power lives.