The Choice That Changes Everything: Victim or Owner?

I was placed in a children’s home at the age of nine.

Not because I was bad. Not because I asked for it. But because sometimes life hands you circumstances that feel impossible to explain, especially to a child.

And it was there, in that place of confusion, aloneness, and stark reality, that I first realized: nobody was coming to save me.

From that point forward, I learned what it meant to own myself, even when life felt anything but fair. We later moved into a subsidized housing complex, and I saw more than any young girl should. Addiction. Violence. Deep human dysfunction.

And yet, somehow… I never saw myself as a victim. Not then. Not even when I suddenly became a widow later in life, with children to raise, a life to rebuild, a heart in pieces.

Even then, as broken as I felt, I refused to hand over my power. I asked myself; Am I going to be a victim or owner of this experience? I chose to show up. Grieve fully. Live deeply. Heal gently. I chose, again and again, to be the owner of my experience, not its casualty.

Victim or Owner: The Lens That Shapes Your Life

Let’s be real; life isn’t easy. It tests us. Breaks us open. It brings loss, injustice, grief, and heartache.But the core truth I’ve learned, and keep learning, is this:

You may not choose what happens to you. But you always get to choose who you become through it.

This is what I call the Owner’s Path.

The Victim Mindset: A Loop with No Exit

We’ve all tasted it, that feeling of helplessness, resentment, blame.That moment where everything feels stacked against you and you wonder, “Why me?”

The victim mindset says:

• “It’s not fair.”

• “I can’t change this.”

• “People always let me down.”

• “It’s just the way it is.”

And listen, I’m not here to invalidate pain because pain is real. But staying stuck in that story is a choice. And the victim mindset loves to tell us we don’t have one.

It’s a consciousness built on fear: fear of failure, rejection, judgment, loss. And that fear becomes a lens through which we start to see everything. Eventually, that lens becomes a prison, one we don’t even realize we’re locked inside.

The Owner Mentality: Power Rooted in Love

Now let’s talk about a different way; the way of the Owner.

An Owner is someone who takes life seriously, but not personally. Someone who chooses to create, not just react.

An Owner says:

• “This hurts… and I will rise.”

• “I didn’t choose this… but I do choose my next step.”

• “This is mine to hold, and I can carry it with grace.”

Ownership isn’t about blame or pretending to have it all figured out. It’s about responsibility without shame. It’s about power rooted in love, love for life, for learning, for yourself.

I Know This Because I’ve Lived It

The girl in the children’s home? She became a coach, a mother, a creator.The woman who walked through grief? She became more loving, more awake, more resilient.

I’ve had many moments where I could have collapsed into the arms of victimhood, where it would have been easy, even expected. But I didn’t. Because I knew: this life is mine.

Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s lonely. Even when no one’s coming.

I don’t want to be rescued. I want to remember my own strength. And I want that for you too.

So, What Are You Choosing?

At any given moment, we are either reactive, living from old pain, old beliefs, old fears…

Or we are creative, choosing from love, clarity, and possibility.

Same letters. Different life.

Reactive → Creative

Victim → Owner

You don’t need a perfect plan to start.You just need to decide:

Who do I want to be now?

What an Owner Looks Like in Practice

An Owner:

• Knows their triggers, but doesn’t feed them

• Feels their emotions, but isn’t ruled by them

• Communicates with clarity and accountability

• Reflects before reacting

• Builds bridges, not walls

• Lives from purpose, not ego

• Chooses love, again and again

Owners don’t get it right all the time.They just stay in the room with themselves when things get hard.

You’re Not Broken — You’re Becoming

This isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about truthful empowerment.

You are not broken. You are becoming.You are not your pain. You are the one who carries it and keeps walking. You are not your past. You are the chooser of your next breath, your next thought, your next move.

My Invitation to You

Whether you're a leader holding up a whole team… A parent trying to stay soft in a hard season… A soul navigating a new beginning or a long goodbye…

You have a choice. Not to erase your story, but to own it; every chapter. Not to pretend it was all perfect, but to rise through it with grace.

Ownership is your superpower. It’s the key to peace. It’s the gateway to leadership. It’s the bridge between surviving… and thriving.

If you’re ready to walk the path of ownership, and stop handing your power to the past;

I’m here. Not to save you. But to stand with you while you save yourself.

Because nobody’s coming. And that’s okay. You’ve got you.

And that’s more than enough.