How to deal with your triggers?

Understanding Emotional Triggers: How to Recognize, Manage, and Heal

A trigger is a stimulus that sparks a reaction, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically. When it comes to mental health, a trigger can be anything that worsens symptoms or brings emotional discomfort to the surface. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to have a clinical diagnosis or addiction history to get triggered. Getting triggered is a human experience.

As someone who has lived with CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), I’ve felt the overwhelming waves of sudden emotion a trigger can bring. Triggers often show up as intense reactions; thoughts, feelings, or actions that seem to come out of nowhere. They’re usually rooted in old wounds, ingrained beliefs, or unresolved trauma.

Understanding your emotional triggers is a powerful step toward emotional regulation, deeper self-awareness, and healthier relationships.

What Are Emotional Triggers?

Triggers are often linked to the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses which are our body’s way of reacting to perceived threats. These reactions aren’t just about what’s happening now; they often reflect what has happened in the past.

Ask yourself:

• What triggers me?

• Where does this reaction come from?

• What fear or memory is being activated?

The more curious you become about your triggers, the more empowered you’ll be to respond instead of react.

What Do Your Emotional Triggers Tell You?

Our emotions are messengers. Triggers often point to deeper needs, unhealed pain, or misalignments. Here’s what some common emotional triggers may be telling you:

• Anger may signal a boundary violation or unmet need.

• Shame invites self-compassion and acceptance.

• Jealousy reflects what you desire but feel disconnected from.

• Judgment of others often mirrors inner self-judgment.

• Depression could be a sign your spirit isn’t being nourished.

• Overwhelm is a call to pause and release what’s no longer needed.

• Exhaustion asks for boundaries to stop over-functioning.

• Dissociation signals that your nervous system is seeking safety.

Each of these emotional cues can guide you toward deeper healing and self-understanding.

Recognize Your Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn

Understanding your trauma response type helps you choose healthier coping mechanisms when you’re triggered.

Fight

While some situations call for standing your ground, fighting for the sake of being right often wastes energy. Discern when to fight, and when to walk away.

The Fight Response

Fight is the trauma response where your body prepares to defend. This response isn’t just about physical aggression, it is about standing your ground, protecting your space, and sometimes reacting with anger or frustration when you feel unsafe or threatened.

What it looks like:

• Feeling defensive or easily irritated

• Arguing or needing to be “right”

• Controlling behaviors

• Explosive outbursts

• Perfectionism

• A strong desire to overpower others or dominate conversations

The deeper root:

The fight response often stems from a belief that you must protect yourself at all costs. It’s a learned survival instinct that says: If I’m in control, I’m safe. For many, this begins in childhood homes where boundaries weren’t respected, and the only way to feel secure was to resist or retaliate.

The healing work:

Fight energy isn’t bad. In fact, when channeled consciously, it becomes empowerment, leadership, and assertiveness. The key is learning to direct that energy into healthy boundaries, conscious communication, and personal advocacy without harming yourself or others.

Flight

For me, this is my most most natural reaction. I find myself wanting to leave situations that feel uncomfortable or emotionally draining. It’s not weakness; it’s self-preservation. But over time, I’ve learned that flight is best used as a temporary tool, not a long-term solution.

The Flight Response

Flight is the urge to escape. Whether physically or mentally, people in flight mode are trying to “run” from discomfort, confrontation, or feelings that feel overwhelming.

What it looks like:

• Constant busyness or overworking

• Anxiety and restlessness

• Avoiding conflict or confrontation

• Obsessive thinking or perfectionism

• A need to always “move on” from problems

• Leaving relationships or jobs suddenly

The deeper root:

The flight response often signals a nervous system that believes safety is found in distance. Whether from people, places, or even your own feelings, there’s a learned fear that standing still could be dangerous.

The healing work:

Flight energy can be transformed into momentum, drive, and healthy independence. It asks us to slow down, create safety within, and stay present even when things get uncomfortable. Healing flight looks like pausing, breathing, staying.

Freeze

Freeze shows up when we’re overwhelmed, shocked, or emotionally paralyzed. It can look like procrastination, anxiety, or complete shutdown. When I experienced the trauma of sudden widowhood I felt myself freeze in my mind, and I was disassociated from time and space for weeks and months. It is okay to freeze, profound trauma can bring us to that state, but remember, you don’t have to stay there.

The Freeze Response

Freeze is the trauma response where your system shuts down. It’s a state of overwhelm where you may feel stuck, numb, or disconnected from your body and the world around you.

What it looks like:

• Procrastination or indecision

• Feeling numb or disassociated

• Low energy or chronic fatigue

• Zoning out, “checking out,” or feeling spaced out

• Feeling invisible or powerless

• Difficulty expressing needs or emotions

The deeper root:

Freeze often develops when you felt utterly powerless in the face of trauma - when neither fighting nor fleeing was an option. Your body learned to “play dead” as a way to survive emotional overwhelm or abuse.

The healing work:

Healing freeze is about reconnection — to your body, your voice, your sense of agency. Movement (even small), breathwork, and somatic practices can help thaw the frozen state and gently bring you back to life, without judgment or force.

Fawn

The fawn response; people-pleasing to avoid conflict, often leads to self-abandonment. If you’re constantly accommodating others at your own expense, it’s time to examine why. People-pleasing isn’t peacekeeping; it’s self-neglect.

The Fawn Response

Fawn is the trauma response where you try to gain safety through appeasement. People-pleasing, over-apologizing, or abandoning your own needs to keep peace are classic signs of fawning.

What it looks like:

• Difficulty saying “no”

• People-pleasing or approval-seeking

• Over-apologizing

• Merging your identity with others

• Suppressing your needs or desires

• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions

The deeper root:

The fawn response typically develops in childhood when love and safety were conditional; when being “good” or agreeable kept you safe. You may have learned to suppress your truth to stay in someone’s good graces, even at the cost of your own needs.

The healing work:

Healing fawn means reclaiming your voice and your boundaries. It’s about learning that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s and that you do not need to over-function in relationships to earn love. Saying “no” is not rejection; is is self-respect.

How to Deal with Triggers in Real Time

You can’t always avoid being triggered. But you can learn how to soothe your nervous system, set boundaries, and stay grounded.

Here are tools that may help:

• Breathe deeply. Try holding one hand on your heart, one on your belly.

• Use tapping (EFT) below your collarbone to ground yourself.

• Splash cold water on your face or neck to reset your nervous system.

• Take a mindful walk and focus on your surroundings.

• Journal your thoughts and identify the story you’re telling yourself.

• Repeat affirmations or mantras like: “All is well. I am safe. I choose peace.”

How to Communicate Boundaries When Triggered

Sometimes, you can’t just exit the situation. That’s where assertive, heart-centered communication comes in.

Try statements like:

• “I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. Can we revisit this later?”

• “I need a moment to calm down before continuing this conversation.”

• “I am feeling defensive. Can we reframe this in a more respectful tone?”

• “I want to respond thoughtfully, not react emotionally. Give me some time.”

These statements help you reclaim your power without escalating conflict.

Befriend Your Triggers: They’re Part of Your Healing

One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned is this: triggers show us where we’ve outgrown our past selves. They point to areas ready for healing, growth, and deeper alignment with our values.

The version of me that tolerated poor behavior, negativity, or emotional manipulation doesn’t live here anymore. And if you’re reading this, you’re probably evolving too.

Mantras to Stay Grounded

Mantras can anchor you in moments of chaos. One I often use to calm my codependent patterns is:

I am not you. You are not me.

We are separate, yet part of ONE.

I accept you as you. I accept me as me.

I am whole. I am free.

And from the wise Louise Hay:

All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good.

Out of this situation, only good will come. I am safe.

Let Your Triggers Guide You

Your triggers aren’t enemies; they’re messengers.

They show up not to shame you, but to show you where healing is still needed, where boundaries are missing, where old beliefs are still holding you back, and where your inner child still longs to feel safe, seen, and loved.

When you get curious about your reactions instead of judging them, you turn every emotional flare-up into a doorway to deeper self-awareness and growth. Triggers point to your most raw and vulnerable parts, not to punish you, but to awaken you.

And while these responses (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) may have once been your best chance at survival, today you are allowed to choose differently. You are allowed to pause, breathe, and respond with intention. You are allowed to protect your peace, speak your truth, or walk away without guilt.

So next time you feel that tightening in your chest, that sudden rush of emotion, or that urge to run or react — pause.

Ask yourself:

• What is this trigger trying to tell me?

• What wound is this touching?

• What am I ready to let go of?

Let your triggers guide you back to YOU - the grounded, wise, whole version of you who no longer has to live in fear. Use them as portals to growth, as sacred teachers, and as signals that your healing is still unfolding.

Because the truth is, the more you understand your triggers, the more you reclaim your power.

And that? That’s where real freedom begins.

Final Thoughts: You Are Allowed to Walk Away

You are under no obligation to stay in environments, conversations, or relationships that trigger emotional distress. It’s okay to walk away. In fact, it’s healthy.

What used to be tolerable may now feel unbearable. That’s growth. That’s evolution. And your triggers are signposts, guiding you toward the life, peace, and power that you’re meant to claim.